I am BEA :)

THE TRUTH ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS - ACCORDING TO ME VERSION

2010-12-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

My name is Bea. I am 17. And this is my story.

When I was in high school, I was wrong about 3 things. First, that I'm going to have the best years of my life. Second, I'd meet real friends that I will forever cherish. And 3rd, I will cry on my graduation day.

Yeah, high school was cool- AT ONE TIME! AT ONE TIME!

the truth is, I was a bully back then. I bully freshmen, I bully my guy friends, I bully the school guard and even some of the teachers and staff in our school. I also held one of the major positions in the student body being the fourth year level president and officers of other major clubs and organization of our school (modesty aside.) So you may ask : "How did you end up hating your high school life? Good question, you see, things happen between my father and the entire country. It's a long story but I ended up living with my aunt. Still, i am a bully, but when it comes to my Aunt who also happens to be a teacher in our school, all I am is a helpless little prisoner.

I admit, I was once mean, scratch that, I still am, but even if I am, I will never do anything to ruin my reputation (that is, if I have any) and to make my Tita and the other people around me to doubt everything I do and everything I say. I do really mean it.

But of course, life was being hard for me. I met greedy little B*thches named A.M, N, M.L and their minions, who made my life a living hell. And this brings us to my first mistake.

Who are these unknown creatures anyway? Well, they are the self centered, attention seeking, back stabbing, good for nothing , social climbers/jejemons/teachers pets! They are my tita's little spies! In short, they're my life's worst nightmare.

They think of themselves more highly than the others. They always think that they are pretty and cool (just because they have -ugly- boyfriends and I don't. but I DON'T FREAKING CARE!)(i'm not exaggerating things, I'm saying this based on my personal experience , what people told me, and of course-the truth.) They think they are smart when the truth is they are not, most of the smart people went to the private school in our town. So most of the rejects went to ours(including me :) )

But what I hate most about them is that, they can't tell you straight about what's wrong. Instead, they go behind your back. They tell people things which is 1% true and 99% fantasy/ product of their overly creative imaginations. They are our school's gossip girls minus the fashion, the wit, the looks and the charm.

The sad part is, I am one of the victim of their ruthless little games. Remember the part when I said I am a bully, well, there's always an exemption to every rule, mine is them. I'm a pacifist when it come to them. I am capable, but I choose to refrain. Maybe because somehow, I still have that little respect for them being a woman like me. Thank me!

Anyway, since they don't have their own lives, they find it easier to bug into mine. Human as I am( monsters as they are) I commit a lot of mistakes. One of which that I regretted the most was trusting them and giving them second chances.

So here's how the problem started:

I bruised A.M's ego one time when I told her something and she was not able to answer. I guess she took it seriously and wanted a revenge :)

My aunt is perhaps the most paranoid person on earth . She doesn't want people (aside her) to say bad things about me. But really, her concern is not I. She's just afraid that since I'm living under their roof and I should act according to what people expect her to brought me up, I should do no mistake. Or else, her reputation will be ruined. How selfish is that?

So, the monsters took that opportunity to ruin my relationship with her. They tell her every single thing I do. They spend their lives spying on me as well as my friends and then at the end of the day, they would tell my aunt. But of course I have a spy too, to let me know the things they told her about- my cousin :)

At first I didn't care. I thought that I know for myself I didn't do something wrong, why should I act so guilty and try to defend me?

But the monsters wouldn't stop at any cost until they see any tangible proof that their plan is successful. And so they make up stories again. Let's see, like making me a fake boyfriend (who happens to be a childhood friend) or something, and that we spend some time alone at night at our former house? that is sooooo high school. Still I didn't care.

Unto my 2nd mistake. The boy who got involved turns out to have a crush on me since 6th grade and the whole school knew about it. Since we WERE really closed, people assumed that the rumors were true. Until such time that it kind of turned out to be a big deal. How big of a deal? Well, even my teachers and departmental heads started questioning me. Oh how I hate living in a place where almost everyone knows about your father and the things his child has been through!

This time, I couldn't just shut up so I tried explaining it to people and to my Aunt. But of course, only my friends who knew about the real story believed me.

So what I did, since I don't really liked the guy, I started avoiding him. I guess it just made things worst.

People, specially my aunt thinks that I am TROUBLED, like I am suffering from Major Depression- troubled and that I should seek for help because it maybe just an effect of what my family is going through. They think that I am a rebellious kid who was not properly brought up by my mother.

One of my junior told me "Hi Bea! Ma'am told us some things about you. And not the nice ones." What do you expect me to feel?

I just want to shout it in their faces that the only problem I have is THEM! Because they can't find it in their hearts to believe me and that they exaggerate what other people told them about me! It's not about me! It's you who has the problem! But of course I can't do that. I'd be kicked out with no other place to stay. If only I have, if only I have. T^T

And so, they finally won!

School hours are finished by 4 but I would go home at 6 or 6:30 just so lessen the time I have with them. In the topiary, I would usually tell my adviser my feelings, she USED to understand me better than anyone else. She believed in me. She was my confidante together with my other friends. There are time when it just hurts so bad I would end up crying (which I haven't done since someone in the family died in my earlier years) and I just hate my eyes because it makes it too obvious that I've cried and I would spend another 30 mins until the swelling subsides. In my tita's house where I could talk no one except my cousin but with certain limitations, I wrote my feelings in a journal I keep under my pillow.

I can't remember the happy days I've had with them, all I know is that I was looking forward to the day that I would finally kiss, that school, that house and that town BUHBYE! Graduation day came and I never shed a single tear.Hello 3rd mistake! Who could blame me for that???? I was so eager for college and every time that I find college life difficult I always bear it in mind that it was never as hard as what I've been through in high school, and I was right.

But don't get me wrong, I still have friends that I really missed, but going back to that place? It's just horrific. College was fun. Really really really fun! I've met a lot of wonderful people. Interesting ones too.

So what happened between me and the monsters? Well, I never confronted them. Partly because I'm hurting, partly because I am scared but mostly because I can't find any reasons to. I won't stoop down to their levels. I just let them as they are. But I still checked their Facebook once in a while and just wonder how different I am today. How different things have changed. That I am not scared anymore, I've just realized how immature they still are and how much I have grown.

every time I see even their pictures, I just laugh with the memories they had with it. I always imagine about seeing them again and introducing them my with the friends I have now and how jealous they would get knowing that I've finally have the life I wanted. A peaceful and happy one without them in the picture. I don't intend to brag, I just want to make them feel that they can never crush me down again even if I know that they are still doing it now. I have sources you know.

Today I am a changed man. Whether for the good or bad, who knows. All I know is that I am finally Happy now. No worries, no dramas, and no real life MONSTERS!

Guilty or Innocent

2010-10-24T16:40:00.001-07:00

RULES:
1. You can only say Innocent or Guilty for each question.
2. You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
(So people reading this, if you want an explanation – message me!
3. You must be honest!

Asked someone to marry you? INNOCENT

Kissed one of your Facebook friends? GUILTY

Danced on a table in a bar? INNOCENT

Ever told a lie? GUILTY

Had feelings for someone who you can’t have? GUILTY

Ever had feelings for your friend’s bf/gf? INNOCENT

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?GUILTY

Kissed a picture? GUILTY

Slept in until 5 PM? GUILTY

Fallen asleep at work/school? GUILTY

Held a snake? GUILTY

Been suspended from school? INNOCENT

Worked at a fast food restaurant? INNOCENT

Stolen from a store? INNOCENT

Been fired from a job? INNOCENT

Done something you regret? GUILTY

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? GUILTY

Sat on a roof top? GUILTY

Kissed someone you shouldn’t have? INNOCENT

Sang in the shower? GUILTY

Been on the best website for cool facebook stuff - facebookcraze.com? GUILTY

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? GUILTY

Shaved your head? INNOCENT

Slept naked? INNOCENT

Had a gym membership? INNOCENT

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? INNOCENT

Been in a band? INNOCENT

Donated Blood? INNOCENT

Still love someone you shouldn’t? GUILTY

Have a tattoo? INNOCENT

Liked someone, but will never tell who? GUILTY

Been too honest? GUILTY

Ruined a surprise? GUILTY

Erased someone in your friends list? GUILTY

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if your a guy) or man’s clothes (if your a girl)? INNOCENT

Had communication with your ex? INNOCENT??

Got so angry that you cried? GUILTY

Stolen somebodies partner?

Made yourself throw up? GUILTY

Wanted to be someone else? GUILTY

ECO TOUR IS LOVE LOVE LOVE

2010-10-23T07:28:00.000-07:00

Goofing around before the trip started. It's indeed one of the most AMAZING day of my life!

(Al,Bon,Kath,Jigz,Gem,Via,Danilo,Carlo,Jap,Me,Athena)

SOLIDO

2010-10-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

I've been doing stuffs with Adobe Photoshop CS4 lately but I still aint got it all right. Can anyone teach me how to use these friggin brushes? This is what i got so far :p

Your Universe

2010-09-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

You hold me like I"m the one who's precious

I hate to break it to you but it's like the other way around.

And you can thank the stars all you want but, I'll always be

the lucky one :)

love 1 2 3

2010-09-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

AM I EASY TO LIVE WITH?

2010-09-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

I really wished that I was a sweeter person.

To be more like Juliet Capulet instead of someone who's weird in many ways. Instead of someone who's kinda childish and cynical to some extent. I wish I could be a girl who, dances ballet or play the piano, or someone who makes people melt when they bat those angelic eyes. But I'm none of the above. I do karate, my eyes are cat-like and snobbish, air guitar is the only instrument I play and slam dancing is the only dance I dance and I have an eating rate like that of a boy (yeah, credits to my friends).

Sometimes I wish I was the white queen, delicate, kind, soft spoken, caring, gentle and all, except that I'm not. Don't get me wrong. I love being me. It's just that, sometimes I can't help but think of the endless possibilities that things could've been so much better if I was more like the others and less than myself. More like a girl should be.

Sometimes, I think of the people who might be offended with my acts and every time that I do, I just feel so bad about my self. There are times when even I, can say that I'm too much.

SIGH.

Even then, I do believe that everything that I am is in accordance to God's will. Well, maybe not entirely but who knows? I don't. That's fer sure :)

When Love and Hate Collide

2010-09-16T03:04:00.001-07:00

You can have a change of heart

If you would only change your mind

Instead of slamming down the phone babe for the hundredth time

I got your number on my wall

But I aint gonna make that fall

When divided we stand baby

united we fall :3

I know someone's reading this right now.

So, PUT A LITTLE MORE! :3

Life really does go on...

2010-08-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

I'm being too lazy today. so instead of doing the laundry and fixing myself something to eat. I switch on the computer and ended up checking my FB. I got bored, so i decided to open my friendster account and delete all of my pictures as well as the messages in there. there were messages from my dad's ex mistress, but what i notice the most was her profile picture where she was sitting and carrying a baby. so i viewed her profile and searched her name on facebook. I just found out that she already has a baby. a cute baby for that matter. She finally got married and i think she's now living out of the country....

I dunno how to describe what I am feeling right now. I mean, I was guilty and somehow jealous of what she's got. I must admit, when she's still with my father, we used to, you know, do a lot of mean things behind her back. We label her as a loser and a b*tch. i can't help it. i was really angry with my dad and with her at that time.

I guess she finally found her true happiness. Seeing her pictures together with the baby makes me guilty. I know, I shouldn't have convicted her but I guess no one can't blame me either.

And i felt sorry, sincerely sorry for the wrong things i've said and done. looking back i've realized, she wasn't that bad. Things were not so bad with her at all. She has loved my father even if she knew from the start that he's got us. And even if she knew all along that my father has girls other than her and that she even has to take care of my step brother from time to time. Yes, that makes her stupid. and idiot! a dummy! a slut ! and pest. but who could blame a girl who gives her all when it comes to LOVE? besides, she was young at that time.

She may not know it but she taught me a really good lesson. and that is to move on with your life. I know, that her past still keeps on haunting her and she's done a lot of mistakes that she wished to forget. But as i can see, she's doing her best for her baby, to be the best mom that she couldn't be with us.

She's still young, life still has so much for her. And i'm happy that she finally came to her senses that she couldn't get anything from my dad. I know right from the very beginning, my dad is not capable of loving any woman, except her daughters, not even my mom. yes that's sad, but it's what we call life, or something like it.

Some of the most painful mistakes we make usually taught us the greatest lessons in our lives. I wish I could thank her for making that mistake because i've learned so much from it. well, in all honesty, i wish I could somehow thank her for everything. But as I can see, she's happy and contented right now. I'm sure she doesn't want anything to remind her of her dark past. and maybe that's the least I could do for her.

Thanks anyway :)

SWEET DISPOSITION

2010-07-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when i sit quietly at the corner, I stare at other people 'round me. I know it's rude but i can't help it. I look at their faces. I study the color of their eyes, how their lips curl when they smile, the tone of their voices, the way they bat their eyes, their gestures and everything.I try to read them to at least have an idea on what's going on inside their minds. I want to know if they feel the same way as I do- COLD.

I always day dream and think about the happy times that I had with my friends. Sometimes I exaggerate the pictures in my mind to make it more fun and colorful. But when the fangs of reality bite back, everything fades into the background, and all I can see are people. People that I know very little of. And I try to reach out for them but there are just so many things in the past that's holding me on the ground so that I can't move any further than where I was standing. And I'm afraid that if I spill too much of those things from the past, people would look at me in a different horizon. So I'm trying to change as much as I can and be a better person that I wasn't before, because I won't let myself to, because being less made me happy during those times.

But now, I want to clear away the clouds in my mind and think clearer of what I really wanted to do. I want to move on. To move forward. To move as much as I can. Let all the pains distract me not. Even if I feel alone. Even if I'm missing someone so much. Even if I shiver each time I think of the "NOW", even if i look back,there is no way I'm backing down nor give up!

I'll be good, I'll be better, I'll be the best person I can be. I can achieve my sweet disposition.

2010-07-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

Band Perry If I Die Young Lyrics

if i die yound burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh ooh ooh

lord make me a rainbow i'll shine down on my mother
shes knows i'm safe with you and she stands under my colors
oh and life aint always what you think it ought to be
no it aint even grey but she burries her baby
the sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time

if i die young burry me satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
the sharp knife of a short life
well, i have just enough time

and i'll be wearing white
when i come into your kingdom
i'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
well i've never known the lovin of man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin my hand
there's a boy here in town
who says he'll love me forever
who would have thought forever could be severed
by a sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time

so put on your best boys, and i'll wear my pearls
what i never did is done
a penny for my thoughts oh no i'll sell em for a dollar
theyre worth so much more after i'm a gonner
and maybe then you'll hear the words that i've been singin'
its funny when your dead how people start listenin'

if i die young burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh the ballad of a dove
go with peace and love
gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
save em for a time when your really gonna need em.
oh the sharp knife of a short life
well i've had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i'll wear my pearls

I Love this song. I wish I could find more of this band's song :)

2010-07-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

My classmates. They're watching DRAG ME TO HELL in the ZOOLOGY LABORATORY! Just look at their scared faces. XD

OH CRAP!

2010-07-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

NOTE: DON'T READ IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA FIRE ME UP. (this refers to a particular person or group of sissies, i mean BOYS. NOT ALL)

I hate how male species could be so egoistic! even the ugliest among its kind sometimes think so highly of himself. They think they're COOL and have the looks to die for (yeah, like "I'd rather DIE"). They're boosting with SELF confidence while their heads are filled up with air, dirty,polluted air! It's so big that you could see it from MILES and MILES away. I hate how easily being teased with a friend bothers me while they don't seem to care at all. It looks like we even owe them something because it's a privileged to be paired with those good for nothing idiots! Well sorry for breaking it to you, and sorry for not making it gentle but you guys are CUTE- the simplest form for dumb+stupid= BIMBOS! everything you do annoys me. you're messy hair( at least it's messier than mine), your strong scent, your green jokes, your cursing, your lame pick-up lines, your being obsessed with anything BIG,your voice, your distorted FACE, your everything!!!! oops, I think I'm being too harsh now. well anyway... Just because we girls are more in number than you, doesn't mean that we're going to fight over guys or stress our self looking for one. DUH? I don't know about other girls but, I'd rather be alone than be stuck with someone I sure as heck don't like. I mean, I don't usually go for looks but what freaks me out is the fact that those, for humanities sake, not so good looking ones are the people who are more...uh, you know...EGOCENTRIC! Nowadays, most of the handsome ones are either gay, dull, womanizer and/or frigid.

But uh, don't get me wrong, I'm not a man hater or anything like it. In fact I have had a number of guys as really close friends. this entry is just a product of my strong, should i say loathing? NO? ok...dislike about a certain someone/s(<--is this even legal? what the heck). I just wish that someday "these" people will realize how annoying and hard they make things for other people. And that would be the day that we can say we've achieved world peace and order. OK, I've been mean enough today.

TAH-TAH! :3

BUSTED!

2010-07-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

YUP! I'm BUSTED! there's nothing left to hide anymore...

I'm DEAD! soooooooooooooooo dead! goodbye LIFE! hello death, ohw wait, a new facebook notification. nahhhh, I've changed my mind. i think i'm goin to staya here a lil bit longer. tee hee :3

FIVE TIPS TO HELP YOU GET NOTICED

2010-05-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

You don't need to climb a ladder and shout at the top of your lungs to get people to pay attention.

by: Angel Constantino

posted on February 27, 2010 08:00 am

The Target: Your family
The Deal: Your parents always praise the littlest things your brothers and sisters do, but they don't seem to see the big things you do. Even worse, you make a small mistake and you never hear the end of it.
Get Noticed: If you aren't getting noticed for all the good things you're doing, such as all the effort you put into your studies, extracurricular activities, and housework, it's time to toot your own horn. If you got a good grade on a test, go up to your parents, and casually mention that the extra study time you put in really paid off. If you're heading a project you're really proud of, share it with your siblings and get them to join in. It's not about bragging—it's about bringing to light the great things you're already doing.

The Target: Your friends
The Deal: When someone in your barkada has a problem, whether it's as mundane as trying to find the perfect gimmick outfit or as big as their parents separating, you're always there to be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and a helping hand. But when you're the one with the problem, everybody seems to tune out.
Get Noticed: It's great that you're always there for your friends, but you've got to let them know your needs too. Don't wait for them to ask you what's wrong. Trust that when you talk to them about a problem, a dream you have, or a hobby you're passionate about, they will listen. If it's too daunting for you to share to the whole noisy group, try to talk to one or two friends at a time. Chances are, they'll be more than willing to give you the attention you need.�

The Target: Your classmates
The Deal: It's time for the intrams and your class is forming a group to join the dance competition. You know you can bust a move, but when the time comes to choose the participants, your classmates yell out their friends' names while your voice is lost in the din.
Get Noticed: No matter what the event—a dance contest, a theater play, a debate, or an art competition—make sure people remember you and what you're good at. If you know you're a good dancer, talk to your classmates about your previous dance experiences and let them know you'd love to be part of the team. Be confident and assert yourself. Then, when it's time to choose a candidate, they'll be sure to ask you first.

The Target: Your crush
The Deal: You know you're cute and talented enough but your crush always seems to just pass you by. You can't help but think, "Hello, am I invisible?"
Get Noticed: Smile and make eye contact—it's the surest way to get him to notice you and let him know that you're a happy and confident person. Take interest in his activities—not only to be near him, but also to get to know him better and expand your horizons. When you've gathered enough courage, talk to him. Asking him a question is a good way to start a conversation. You can even compliment him or ask for his help. Speak your mind, but don't make it appear as if you know everything. Don't keep complaining either. Negativity pushes others away and will probably just turn him off. Of course, it's also a good idea to be well-groomed to make a lasting first impression.

The Target: Your teachers
The Deal: You never misbehave in class and you always submit your homework on time. But your teachers pay more attention to the popular and charming girls who appear smart but pass notes and don't listen!
Get Noticed: Make an extra effort to stand out by speaking up in class and showing your teachers that you're trying to learn. Teachers love it when they get feedback from their students because it shows them that you are gaining something from their lectures. You can also put more effort into your assignments to make them stand out by checking the grammar and style of your papers and making your projects more visually appealing. When you have a group assignment, volunteer to be the leader. You can also ask your teacher for extra credit or consult with her about your grades. This shows her you care and will help her take notice!

source: http://www.candymag.com/magazine/features/five-tips-to-help-you-get-noticed

2010-05-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

i just love color splash. learning the basics to photo editing :)

2010-05-11T04:23:00.000-07:00

really, you could call me Kai ..